


Souvenir

by caitgirl1, RevyCaitEll



Category: Danny Phantom, Skulduggery Pleasant - Derek Landy
Genre: Gen, Inter-dimensional nausea, Skulduggery being Skulduggery, very confused Danny
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2016-10-27
Packaged: 2018-07-28 08:01:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7631698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caitgirl1/pseuds/caitgirl1, https://archiveofourown.org/users/RevyCaitEll/pseuds/RevyCaitEll
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being 'saved' from Skulker, Danny is stranded in a foreign dimension with a stupid Teleporter, people who can control fire, oh and don't forget about the walking, talking skeleton.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Hey ladz!

RevyCaitEll: This monster of a story has been co-written by caitgirl1, and we had fun writing the first chapter so far. She robbed my food. Thief. :(

caitgirl1: Well this story is gonna be interesting...I hope. I hope u guys enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it and as for the food, u stole mine also RevyCaitEll. Don't play the victim.

RevyCaitEll: No I asked for it and you threw it over your wall.

caitgirl1: I also asked for urs, I just happened to find nicer food.

RevyCaitEll: Enough of that, on with the story! ENJOY

Oh and any feedback would be awesome!

XxxxxXxxxxXxxxxXxxxx

Fletcher stared at the object before him, inquisitively poking and prodding it much to Kenspeckle's displeasure.

"Fletcher I would appreciate it if you didn't break the one of a kind Knopfler teleportation device. After all, it is prone to blowing up," Kenspeckle glared at the offending teenager.

Fletcher sharply pulled back, one hand self consciously checking his 'immaculate' hair. Kenspeckle had wondered many a time as to whether it was all that hair gel that was the cause of Fletcher's lack of brain cells. He had even asked him if he could experiment to prove his theory, however Fletcher had bluntly denied and refused to talk with Kenspeckle unless he apologised for the horrendous insults. It took a couple of weeks but Kenspeckle was forced to gruffly apologise once the Knopfler device had been found. Of course Fletcher had complained at the murmur of an apology but the old man had enticed the Teleporter to be a guinea pig via protection from Skulduggery. A week earlier, Fletcher had taken the Bentley out for a joyride and the skeleton was gunning for the blond idiot's blood so the promise of a hiding spot was pleasant.

"So what's that Knoplift thing supposed to do any way?" The teleporter asked.

Kenspeckle scowled, "It's called the Knopfler dimwit. This device was supposedly able to transport the user to another parallel dimension. Something like that anyway,"

"Wait you don't even know what it really does?"

"I know what it's meant to do. However what it actually does could be something completely different."

"Don't you think we should call Skulduggery and Valkyrie in case something goes utterly wrong and I am in dire need of saving?"

"I like Valkyrie too much for her to die in a fiery explosion, and Skulduggery has the potential to make it into a fiery explosion. Therefore, you must deal with anything that is thrown your way."

"But I would really rather not die today."

"I would promise you that you won't die and that you will be completely fine, however, I refuse to make promises I cannot keep."

Fletcher glared at the Professor, only to be stared down until he averted his gaze to the metallic contraption that was the Knopfler Device. It was only the size of Fletcher's hand but it was spherical in shape and had metal spikes haphazardly jutting out at random angles. The metal was black in colour and the spikes were daunting to be around. To be honest, it looked rather frightening, much like a medieval torture device.

"Of course when one sees a medieval torture device, one must pick it up," Fletcher mumbled to himself as he took hold of the spiky ball.

Kenspeckle's eyes widened as Fletcher picked up the Knopfler.

"Hold on Fletcher, the Knopfler needs-" just as Kenspeckle tried to warn Fletcher, the Teleporter disappeared into thin air, as Teleporters usually do "-blood to work."

"Guessing I should call Skulduggery then?" Clarabelle asked tentatively.

"Yes, I suppose you should." Kenspeckle growled venomously.

XxxxxxXxxxxXxxxxxXxxx

The whole left side of Danny's face had gone numb. A metal fist to the head can do that to you. He dodged another swipe from Skulker and fired an ectoblast, hitting the metallic ghost square in the chest.

"Skulker this is pitiful. You do realise that you are continuously getting beaten by a fourteen year old kid?" Danny taunted giving Skulker a roundhouse kick to the head.

Skulker snarled and managed to grab the offending leg, spinning Danny around a few times before smashing him into a nearby wall for good measure.

"Ow. Now that's just plain rude," Danny groaned as he peeled himself from the wall, distinctly noting how his entire body now felt numb. Reminder to self, no faceplanting walls.

"I will hang your pelt by my bed. And I might use it as a doormat too," Skulker grinned and Danny snickered at the gap in his smile.

"First of all, being a doormat is not on my careers list, no matter how tempting, and second of all, you still haven't replaced that tooth yet?" Danny smirked at the scowl he earned. He had led Skulker on a high speed pursuit last week and he had managed to trick the ghost into colliding into a telephone pole. Sam had videoed the entire thing, including Skulker's violent swearing afterwards and Danny had great pleasure showing the clip to other ghosts in the Zone.

Skulker charged again, a blade in hand. Danny ducked under the swing and swung his own fist upwards, catching the hunter square in the jaw. Skulker rebounded back, a hand rubbing his face.

"You're going to pay for that whelp," he growled.

Danny couldn't help but laugh at him, blasting Skulker with ice and freezing his jet pack.

The ghost plummeted to the ground, but not before latching onto Danny with a grappling hook. Huh, that's new.

The pair crunched into the pavement and Danny felt his breath leave him. Skulker had grabbed him during the fall and pushed the halfa in front of him, and used Danny as a cushion.

"Ufffff!" Danny was pinned under Skulker's bulk.

"Why thank you whelp, you are surprisingly comfy. Maybe I'll turn you into a couch," Skulker got off him extra slow and Danny couldn't even yelp as painful metal limbs dug into him.

Skulker reached down and snatched Danny up by the neck. Danny was limp in his grip, finally able to get his breath back.

"Man Skulker, you need to lose some weight or something," he was just about to freeze Skulker's arms when a terrified wailing pierced the air, shrill to Danny's ears. At first he thought it was a young girl from the pitch, but when Skulker pivoted around to find the source of the noise, a male teenager with stupid blond hair was staring at them.

Skulker gave Danny a questioning look.

"Do ya mind, we're trying to fight here," Danny yelled at the blond idiot frowning at the black object in his hand.

"Yes, for once I agree with you ghost child. Go away weird human, I want to enjoy killing my prey," Skulker tightened his hold on Danny's neck.

Danny responded by kicking out with his legs, one boot catching Skulker in the side of his head. He had been building up his ice power to freeze Skulker's hands when the blond teen had suddenly appeared beside him.

"Don't worry I'll save you!" The guy cried and Danny was just about to snap at the guy for interfering when the world just lurched around him. Danny felt like he was blinded, that his stomach was trying to do gymnastics. All he could feel was the teen's grip on his arm and Skulker's choke hold on his neck.

As suddenly as it began, the sensations stopped, but Danny was left so nauseous and dizzy he couldn't tell up from down. And then he felt the kick from a metal foot solidly connect with his head.

XxxxxxXxxxxXxxxxxXxxx

Kenspeckle Grouse was in the process of repeatedly face palming and trying to come up with ideas of how to get Fletcher back when he heard an almighty crash come from behind him. He let out a sigh of relief and frustration as he knew it could only be Fletcher Renn. Who else could make such an entry? (Well, maybe Skulduggery)

When the Professor turned he was met with the Teleporter standing above a mound of metal and a thin, lanky, white haired boy. Or what Kenspeckle assumed to be a boy. The kid was glowing and was currently out cold. The metal thing, upon further inspection was human shaped and a metal fist was firmly clamped around the boy's neck.

"First you disappear into another dimension, then you bring hitch hikers back to my lab. I refuse to see how any of this will turn out well for you Fletcher. Especially since your companion is glowing and being choked to death by the other one. Perhaps it's just a deathly glow..."

As if on cue, the metallic mess of a man scrambled away from Fletcher, releasing the glowing boy. It walked with a lopsided gate, obviously suffering the effects of a first time teleport. Dimensional travel probably didn't help either.

"Some experimenting may have to go underway to find out what these creatures are. I believe I have never seen such things in my whole life." Kenspeckle announced, tapping his chin.

At this, the walking metallic human snapped to attention. It swore loudly looking both terrified and severely pissed and took off, literally flying into the air. Fletcher screamed like a little girl as the thing flew straight through him. Gunshots rattled around the cinema, announcing Skulduggery's arrival.

Kenspeckle groaned loudly, snapping at Fletcher to shut up. He rubbed his face, a headache had already began to make an appearance in the temple region. Why must all people he associates with either scream like a young female or shoot every moving thing he sees? This question has haunted Kenspeckle for years, and it still makes an appearance every time he is with anyone except Valkyrie.

Skulduggery sauntered in like he owned the place, gun trained on the creature on the ground. Valkyrie trailed behind him, hands lit up with flames.

"So what did Fletcher mess up this time?" She asked, a smirk plastered on her face.

"Hey, I didn't mess up anything! I merely brought back a souvenir from my dimensional travels…"

XxxxxXxxxxXxxxxXxxx

THANKS FOR READING!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey ladz
> 
> WOOHOOO
> 
> RevyCaitEll: CO-WRITTEN BY CAITGIRL1 Another update in less than a week, despite the distraction of a working PS2 (I missed it so much. I've been binge playing Ratchet and Clank)
> 
> caitgirl1: Thanks for all of the favs, follows and reviewing. Really means a lot to both of us. Hope you enjoy this chapter. I got more food :) I needed brain fuel to help finish this...
> 
> RevyCaitEll: You guys are awesome! Yeah we were jamming out to record players and then packing sleeping bags. And drinking hot chocolate. (Random I know)
> 
> Without further adieu, the chapter!
> 
> Enjoy:)

"A souvenir? That's a person Fletcher! Unless you just got a human sized bobblehead that looks like an unconscious teenager." Valkyrie glared sharply, causing Fletcher to shrink back. If looks could kill...

Skulduggery adjusted his hat slightly, staring at the creature on the ground.

"Care to explain what it is?" he asked Kenspeckle.

Kenspeckle huffed "Ask Fletcher, he's the one that kidnapped the glowing being from its own dimension,"

Everyone in the room turned to stare at the Teleporter, with mixes of shock, anger and amusement.

"What?! I was saving it from it's infinite doom. There was this weird metal thing choking him and stuff. You should have seen the dents in the pavement! Being the brave person that I am, I risked my life to save this poor creature from imminent death."

"It's 'inevitable doom' you eejit." Valkyrie corrected automatically.

Ghastly and Tanith appeared from the shadows, startling Fletcher into jumping. The state of Tanith's hair suggested that they had taken a ride on her motorbike.

"Great you're all feckin here, now all we need is the rest of the Dead Men to show up and cause the apocalypse," Kenspeckle groaned, hand rubbing his face.

"What should we do with it?" Clarabelle crouched down and started poking the glowing thing at her feet. She rolled it onto its front.

"I'm gonna call him Jimmy! Can we keep him?" She stared hopefully at the Professor. The inter-dimensional traveler distinctly looked like a human teenager, but the glowing and white hair was certainly different.

"No Clarabelle, we can't keep him." Kenspeckle assumed the boy was indeed male. He hoped he was, otherwise things could get awkward.

"So what should we do with him?" Ghastly spoke up, his arms crossed hinting at his disapproval of the whole situation.

"Help me lift him up, let's move him to one of the labs. Hopefuly we can figure out what he is there," Kenspeckle went to pick up the boy, greatly surprised at how light he was. He waved off Ghastly's offer and chucked the kid to Skulduggery to hold.

"Why do I have to take the weird inter-dimensional being?" He groaned.

"Because if it turns out to be a hostile beast, it will kill you first," Kenspeckle snarked back. Ghastly chuckled, he and Tanith led the way.

The strong smell of antiseptic assaulted the group. White Lino floors squeaked under their shoes, fluorescent lights buzzed with life over head.

They went down the hall, taking a door to the left. The room inside was bare enough, a metal table in the centre that was looking quite sinister. There was a line of sinks and steel cabinets along the edges, but that was it in the variety of furniture.

"Creepy," Tanith opened one of the cabinets to find it filled with various vials and flasks.

"Professor you have always been one for customisation haven't you?" Skulduggery commented placing the kid on the table.

"Wouldn't he freak out waking up on a table like that?" Valkyrie pushed past Fletcher to stand on the other side of the room, she leant casually against the wall.

"I don't see why he would. The table seems rather comfortable and homely. Totally unlike an experiment table." Ghastly replied, sarcasm dripping from every word.

"He got kicked in the head I think, he might not wake up anytime soon so no need to worry," Clarabelle skipped around the table, her hair bouncing wildly on her head.

"He got what?" Fletcher piped up, he had been shoved to the door.

"Yeah when you first teleported in he was all dizzy and he looked like he was going to barf and then the metal guy kicked him," Clarabelle replied cheerfully.

"Nice saving Fletcher," Valkyrie smirked.

"Well I chased away the metal thing!" the Teleporter protested.

"Actually, it only retreated once Kenspeckle started going mad scientist on it and was talking about experiments. The good Professor is quite loud when he's talking about sciencey stuff. Valkyrie and I could hear him a mile away," Skulduggery said, cocking his head toward the Professor mentioned. Kenspeckle had snapped on a pair of latex gloves, further driving home the mad scientist vibe. He moved curiously toward the table, before pausing as if he had remembered his audience.

"Are you all just going to stand around and watch?" He growled, glaring especially at the Skeleton Detective.

"Why are you only glowering at me?" Skulduggery asked, voice tinged with mock hurt.

"I hate you, that's why,"

"You know you love me, everybody does. It's not my fault if you're in denial," Skulduggery replied.

"Yeah, everybody loves you. I'll say that to you next time you come crawling to me for medical attention," Kenspeckle snapped venomously.

"Now, now Professor, the only reason people attack me is because they are jealous of my amazingly good looks. I definitely do not provoke them in any way at all."

Kenspeckle decided to ignore the skeleton and his hallucinations as he picked up "Jimmy's" wrist to check for a pulse.

Concentration and confusion was plastered on the Professor's face as he moved his fingers from place to place.

"I believe that this boy is very close to death," he said frowning.

"Oh," Fletcher replied quietly, the room uneasily silent.

"He's ice cold to the touch, but he is breathing, albeit very, very slowly," Kenspeckled continued.

"So he could still live right?" Fletcher asked, sounding hopeful.

"I don't know. He certainly isn't human, even if he looks awfully like one. I fear we could have another White Cleaver,"

Instantly the atmosphere in the room shifted again, it was uncomfortably tense. Tanith had automatically reached for her sword and Ghastly subtly got into a boxing stance.

"What do you think he is though?" Valkyrie asking trying to break the icy tension.

"Honestly, I have never seen anything like it before," Kenspeckle admitted leaning over to try pry open an eyelid.

He did not expect a pair of brilliant green eyes to be staring back.

XxxxXxxxxxXxxxx

Danny's brain was fuzzy at best. The left side of his head ached ferociously. He heard the distant buzz of voices above him and he felt a cold, hard surface beneath him.

"-never seen anything like it before," the words floating around finally began to make sense and Danny slowly pieced things together.

He had been fighting Skulker… A weird blond kid had interrupted the battle and then… Danny had the strangest experience of his life (even considering the the portal incident)

Danny listened closely, willing himself not to make a sound or move an inch. He heard the rustling of clothing and was very disturbed when he felt a warm breath on his face.

At this he instantly snapped his eyes open, yelping in surprise as the figure of a grumpy old man came into view.

The man jumped back in fright and Danny followed suit, only to end up falling off of a large table. A large metal table.

Experiment table.

Pure terror licked his veins and Danny backed himself against some sinks as he stared at the various people crowding the room.

A snippet of humour leaked into his thoughts as he peered at the odd group. There was a girl with brightly dyed hair and a dark haired teenager standing opposite him.

Then there was the scarred man, who had the muscle mass of a boxer.

Danny's mind locked up completely however when his gazed rested on the skeleton in the well tailored suit.

Despite his knee buckling fear of being a science experiment, Danny couldn't help but point out the obvious.

"You're a skeleton," he said, heart hammering in his chest.

"Yes, yes I am," it replied in smooth tones.

"Skeletons can't move around and talk," Danny replied dumbly. He cautiously eyed the old man who tried to edge closer.

"Well, I'm the best kind of skeleton,"

"Oh,"

Then the skeleton pulled out a gun.

"Now I don't mean to be rude," he said whilst aiming the pistol squarely positioned at Danny's chest "But are you going to try kill us? If so, kill the old guy first, don't worry no one really likes him,"

Danny blanked at the question, nearly going cross eyed staring at the shiny barrel of the pistol. The room was palpable with unresolved violence.

"Eh no?" Movement to Danny's left caught his attention. The old man had shuffled to the side of the room and had opened a press. Danny cursed himself for being distracted by the talking skeleton. (But then again it was a talking skeleton)

A glint of metal shone in the fluorescent lights and squinting, Danny could just make out a syringe in the man's grip.

Danny's eyes widened in horror as he turned intangible and passed through the skeleton and scarred man by the door.

He zoomed down the corridor having no idea where he was going. Danny was not going to be caught again. He was most definitely in a lab, the overpowering smell of antiseptic made him sick to his stomach. He stuck his head through multiple doors but only rooms the same as the one he had escaped from were hidden behind them.

Danny turned his head and spotted the walking skeleton strolling towards him.

"You can fly?" The skeleton asked, perfectly calm, smug almost. He outstretched his gloved hands and suddenly Danny felt his breath knocked clean from his lungs.

He crunched into the clean Lino floor flickering intangible as he heard the tell tale sound of a gun fire. The shot flew just past his boot, a warning shot.

"If you're getting bullet holes in my wall again, help me Skulduggery, I will reduce you to a biological display that I will give to Clarabelle for Christmas."

"He's not hitting your walls this time," the dark haired teen ran down the hallway, followed by the others.

Maybe the most notable thing about the people running towards them was that at least two of them had fire blazing from their hands, or that a blond woman was running upside down on the ceiling, a sword in her grip.

Having no idea what was going on, Danny was certain he had to get away. He pushed himself to his feet, ignoring the shouts for him to stop, and bolted into the air.

Except it felt like there was no air.

Danny gasped uselessly trying to breathe, but there was nothing. Fully panicked now Danny pivoted, vision darkening around the edges as he watched the skeleton splay his hands.

Danny fell to the floor, his energy leaving him. The skeleton's hands dropped and the air returned. Danny gulped it down greedily. What the hell just happened?

The others had caught up and Danny felt fear crawling up his throat. He was severely outnumbered and he had no idea what was going on.

Talking skeletons, people with fire burning in their palms and the woman currently standing upside down totally ignoring the laws of physics. (But then again he could do that too)

"What did you do?" Danny rasped, very freaked out at the moment.

"I manipulated the air around you. You didn't stop so I resorted to using my amazing powers," the Skeleton replied nonchalantly. His pistol was aimed at Danny's head.

"But, you could have warned me!" Danny grimaced thinking about how childish this sounded. Maybe he was having a trippy dream or something.

"In fairness, we did literally yell at you to stop trying to escape. It's not my fault if you can't listen. Now, I'm going to ask politely, what the hell are you?"

XXxxxxxXxxxxXx

THANK YOU FOR READING


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, we’re back! What’s the craic?
> 
> (After like two months? Three months?)
> 
> RevyCaitEll: Bro, I think we deserve Cookie Time, or pizza. Hmmm pizzzzaaaa.
> 
> Caitgirl1: I want pizza now ya bollocks!
> 
> RevyCaitEll: We have a disclaimer here, in this chapter, **we are taking the piss out of stereotypes. This is not meant to be taken seriously. Plz don’t take it seriously.** No really, we just like having fun with it. If you hadn't had guessed, we’re Irish ourselves and stuff.
> 
> Caitgirl1: Yeah lads, this is just meant to be a bit of craic so don’t get insulted. That would be bad. And not what we want.
> 
> RevyCaitEll: I have some friendly advice, don’t punch walls in your sleep. It hurts, not fun. 
> 
> Caitgirl1: Yeah, I also advise not gettin pelted with a ball so hard that your fingers bend back and crack. That hurts too. And now i have two sausage fingers. Typical, we r both injured at the same frikkin time. Anyway, hope you guys enjoy reading this as much as we enjoyed writing it!
> 
> Thanks so much for the reviews, favs and follows. It encourages us to write more and makes us feel all happy and stuff. XD
> 
> ENJOY ;)

Despite a gun being shoved in his face again, Danny couldn't quite help himself.

“You have terrible manners,” he blurted as the Skeleton ‘politely’ asked him what the hell he was.

A few of the Skeleton’s comrades had their eyebrows raised while the blond kid was twisting his face oddly, as if he was trying the same thing. He looked like he was going to puke instead.

“I have wonderful manners excuse me,” the Skeleton replied the gun dead still in his gloved hands. “Let me ask again, what are you? A Remnant, a science experiment?”

Danny balked at the Skeleton’s cheerful tone.

Danny retorts with a question of his own, determined not to answer the Skeleton with the well-tailored suit.

“Where the hell am I? Why’d you take me?” He barely represses the urge to add ‘assholes’ to the end of his sentence.

The group (except Skullface) turn to the blond kid and Danny can feel the distinct waves of disapproval radiating from them. The kid in question shuffles nervously, kicking at the lino floor.

“Emm, well I am a Teleporter, so ya know, I can teleport from place to place,”

Danny raises his own eyebrow

The blond continues “We were testing out this artifact thing that Kenspeckle got and I may have accidentally activated it. And em, the device lets people travel through different dimensions,”

Danny chokes on his spit. “WHAT?!”

“I thought you were in trouble, I saved your life man,” the kid rebukes.

The half-ghost slaps his head in frustration. “I didn’t _need_ saving. I’m already _dead_ you idiot!”

Resisting the urge to smile gleefully at the reaction (everyone had gone _dead_ still, with a few faces paling) Danny made an effort to get up. Only to get shoved roughly back, a revolver pressed into his forehead.

“What do you mean _already dead_?” The Skeleton growled, his pleasant tone vanishing. Danny forced himself to relax, noting the abrupt change in atmosphere. He got his thoughts together. Apparently he was in a different dimension, with people that teleport into _other_ dimensions, control fire, run upside down and not to mention, the living skeleton.

Danny decided to take a risk.

“I’m a ghost,” he says plainly, trying to put on the most mundane expression.

“Impossible, ghosts don’t exist,” the old guy scoffs immediately.

Danny frowns. “No, I am a ghost. Died from electrocution. I would know,” he hopes that he sounds nonchalant, that he is living (ha!) a perfectly normal ghostly definition of life. The cold chill of the revolver bites into skin, the pressure painful.

The dark haired girl and the scarred man shift uncomfortably, with hints of sympathy crossing their faces. Hmmm.

“Yep, I was only fourteen,” Danny piles on, hoping to get the desired effect. He does, kind of. The Skeleton doesn't seem too impressed, but it’s hard to tell, you know with the no face thing.

“You should have stayed dead,” he snarls.

“Says the one,” Danny bites back sharply. 

Hypocrite.

“Skulduggery,” the scarred man says softly “I don't think this is the same as the White Cleaver,” 

“What’s a White Cleaver, inter-dimensional tourist here,” Danny butts in. He still can’t tell if he really is in a different dimension, (apart from the Ghost Zone, he’s been in it enough that it’s kinda like a second home). Maybe this was all an elaborate trap designed by Skulker. 

“How come you breathe, you have a heartbeat too,” the blond woman speaks finally, her accent sounds English, perhaps London. Danny isn't too sure. He curses internally, they must have checked his vitals when he was knocked out.

“There’s a thing called privacy,” he snipes back trying to deflect the direction of the conversation. The old guys scowls.

“Don’t bullshit you little bollocks,” the elderly man huffs. 

Danny blinks. He’s been called a lot of things, but never has he been a ‘bollocks’ before. He racks his brain, he recognises the accents of the other people, he’s just trying to place it. Scottish? No.

“Am I in Wales or something?” He asks, again ignoring the whole ‘you have a heart beat thing.’

The dark haired girl laughs, while the majority scowl. The Skeleton thumbs the hammer on the revolver.

Not Wales then….

“Ah Irish!” Danny exclaims, proud of his amazing detective work.

“Stop dodging the facts,” the Skeleton thumbs the hammer again and Danny refuses to react to the threat.

“If you don’t tell us, we might have to resort to finding out ourselves,” the grouchy old man huffs. Danny does not like the edge on the guy’s tone.

“Guys, stop being dickheads,” The dark haired girl says. “Hi, my name is Valkyrie,” she smiles and elbows the blond guy beside her as he was about to speak.

“Danny,”

“Hi, yes, you are currently in Ireland right now. The idiot beside me is Fletcher, grouchy over there is Kenspeckle, the woman with the sword is Tanith and that guy is Ghastly,” Valkyrie points to each person in turn.

“You didn't introduce me,” The Skeleton complains, and if Danny didn’t know any better he would have said it was whining.

“Right then Skullface, grace me with your amazing name,” Danny snarks, not appreciating the gun still glued to his forehead.

Valkyrie and Ghastly snicker softly, while Kenspeckle snorts.

“Skullface? That is the most unoriginal thing I have ever heard,” the Skeleton scoffs. His light tone is back.

“Well, what is your name then?”

“Skulduggery, Skulduggery Pleasant,”

Danny grins cheekily “I would say it’s a _pleasure_ to meet you Mr Pleasant, but that would mean I was lying,”

Valkyrie laughs, along with most of the group. “You have no idea how many times people have said that to him,” she smirks.

XxxxxXxxxxxXxxxxxXxxxx

William Wretch liked to hunt people.

He supposed it was his favourite ‘sport’. He loved how people (and animals too) would run and scream and cry. He adored how they would beg and shiver at his feet, his gun to their head. 

In particular, Wretch liked to hunt rare things. Sorcerers, mortals, magical beasts- if something was unique it was on Wretch’s hit list.

You never wanted to be on William Wretch’s hit list.

Nothing had ever escaped him. Sometime hunts could take years to complete, but Wretch was a patient man and he _always_ got what he wanted, no matter what his prey was.

Or who.

Wretch had grown up in England, at the dawn of the Industrial Revolution. (1760s) It was a tough, gritty childhood. When you see people tormented by deformities from working too hard for long hours or limbs missing from the terrorising machines, it does something to you. It breaks you, tears you apart piece by piece. And when all you have left are these horrific memories to build yourself back up on, it suffocates your humanity and leaves you with a twisted monstrosity. 

Wretch shakes himself off, strolling amiably through Dublin’s most famous street, O’Connell Street. He could not understand why this street had a massive spike prodding the sky in the centre of it. What use is a spike when you cannot use it to kill a person? It was called the “Spire”, however Wretch thought that “Useless Pointy Metal Spike” seemed more suitable. It was put up to mark the new millennium but Wretch could not bring himself to care for this pointed stick. It was a complete farce, much like the people populating this drunken island.

Wretch felt something reach into his pocket. He grabbed a small wrist and twisted so hard it snapped and cracked under his grip. The young boy the wrist belonged to screamed in utter agony, his face red, his eyes streaming. Wretch smiled sweetly at the kid.

“Next time you try to steal from someone, try not to be so obvious.”

With that Wretch shoved the boy away and continued on his merry way to a pub to meet this thing called Scapegrace. When Wretch arrived in the dank, dirty pub he was greeted by the putrid stench of alcohol.

He pushed his way through the drunken crowd. How could they be drunk already? It was only mid afternoon. Damn Irish living up to the stereotypes. Why must the rare beings live in this country?

Wretch reached the bar and stood beside the decaying man that was desperately trying to hide his rotting bodily fumes with cheap, crappy car air fresheners. He both looked and smelled stupid. Wretch immediately hated the him.

The decaying man offered a hand to shake but Wretch just glared at it in complete disgust. He would rather poke out his own eyeballs than get that man’s rotting flesh on his pristine gloves. The man retracted his hand, offended with the refusal.

“Let’s get down to business shall we?” Wretch stated blunty.

“Sure, if that’s what ya want. I’m Scapegrace, but ya might know by my other names. Does The Zombie King or The Killer Supreme ring any bells?”

“I have never heard of you before.”

Scapegrace crumples slightly with disappointment. Then his face lightens slightly.

“Well, ya must know that I was the one that beat the Great Skeleton Detective in combat. I trashed him. A pile of bones was left over from the brawl and that’s it. You should’ve seen it! My work of art at its best.”

“Bullshit!” someone yells from the drunken crowd. A few heads turn, their eyes rolling, disbelief plastered on their faces. Wretch scowls. This was clearly a regular false story. Typical, Wretch’s only lead on the Skeleton Detective was a lump of decaying meat claiming to be someone important and brilliant. He resists the urge to punch the zombie in the face, he would most likely take his head off.

Wretch lets out a heavy sigh.

“Hey! Don’t you sigh at me. I am the Zombie King!”

“Scapegrace, you do not want to waste my time.”

“Jeez, you sound like Skulduggery. Are you guys related?”

“You are going to be in a lot of pain.”

“Are you sure you’re not related to him?”

“That’s it.”

Wretch raises his fist and it collides with Scapegrace’s face before he knew what hit him. Scapegrace went down to the wooden floor with a sickening thud and a blood curdling scream. What a wuss. Barely anyone turns to see what the commotion is.

“Just don’t make a mess,” the bartender says over his shoulder at Wretch as he pours another pint of Guinness.

“Lads, help!” Scapegrace wails.

Nobody bothers to turn and help the excuse of a man lying on the floor.

“Scapegrace keep it down! We’re missin’ the match!” someone in an Irish rugby shirt yells.

“Ok look Killer Zombie King or whatever your name is, I want to find Skulduggery Pleasant. And I want to find him soon. Do you know where to find him or not? You better think long and hard about your answer because the rest of your undead life depends on it.” Wretch growls.

“Jaysus alright, alright. I know where my man Skulduggery is, I’ll bring you to him. Just please don’t knock the undead out of me.” Scapegrace sniffled helplessly. 

Wretch smiled wickedly.

“Glad you could be of service.”


End file.
